There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
