my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
