Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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