are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
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