i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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