he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
