Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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