First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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