They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
