Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
where are you?
Hypothermia
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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