your thong is hanging out like whoa
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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