I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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