He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize