And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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