I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't make out with my wife yet
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm sobbing to NWA
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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