she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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