It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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