I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize