so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize