my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
