there's paper in my vomit.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
