Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
