You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
