Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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