I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
