Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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