the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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