wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
