I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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