Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
