; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
