it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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