I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
