1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
