My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
