I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I want to be your penis for a week.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
