At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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