I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
