i permit you to call me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
