Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
