You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
