i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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