Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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