If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
