hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
