dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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