ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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