I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
