You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
