I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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