we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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