Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
