There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
