you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
