I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
