i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
