nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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