I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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