it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
