I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my liver is dry heaving
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
