I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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