Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
