Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have fence marks all over my body
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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