I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wish there were birth control emojis
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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