I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just pee around me
You're a waste of cheezeits
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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