I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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