fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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