A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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