If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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