She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
