i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I want her autograph on my taint
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
