He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
